Lessons from my 25 year old self.
I was listening to The Prof G Show the other day (one of my favorite podcasts) when Professor G asked his guest the same question he asks many of his guests — “What advice would you give your 25 year old self”? I started thinking about this question and what my answer would be when I realized that what I had learned at 25 were all the lessons I really needed to know and if anything, I needed to focus more on those learnings.
You see, when I was 25 I had taken a 6 month leave of absence from my job to travel around the world by myself. I had never really traveled abroad except for a couple of quick trips to Mexico which I don’t think counts as “traveling abroad” since I live in Texas. In fact, I didn’t even have a passport, but I had a dream and was bound to see it through.
Fortunately for me, a few years prior to this trip, I had worked alongside a woman named Susan at a law firm where I was working while going to college. Susan was around 10 years my senior and officed across the hall from me. Over many conversations, I learned that Susan had lived abroad teaching English in China and had traveled around the world extensively by herself. I was in complete awe. I knew of no one who had done anything remotely this “crazy”. Growing up in West Texas in a working class family, I thought I had taken the ultimate risk by escaping my small town, bouncing from community college to a small state university and then eventually landing at the University of Texas in Austin. That is until I met Susan!
After many long conversations, with me asking a ton of questions about her travels, I decided I would one day travel. Fast forward a few years, I had graduated from college and found myself at a job that would allow me to take a leave of absence. I got a passport, a backpack and set out to travel around the world. That one trip changed my life!
Traveling through Europe, Asia, and the South Pacific, I had been taken into countless homes during those 6 months. Sharing a bed with an old Italian woman who ate hard candies and watched TV late into the night. Sleeping with the little sister of a Turkish teenager who had taken me home after being stranded at a dock when our boat had to turn around in a storm in the Black Sea. Spending a week living with local tribes in northern Thailand. Walking for days in the Himalayas with a local girl hiking back to her village for an annual festival. Spending a day chanting and meditating with Buddhist monks in a monastery in Nepal. And of course, the endless meals, rooms and rides given to me by total strangers.
Since that first trip, I have traveled to over 60 countries mostly by myself. I have been fed and cared for by so many that had so little. I have been lost more times than I can remember, but was always guided back by some friendly, caring stranger. What I learned on that first trip at 25 are the lessons I continually remind my 50 year old self.
First, it’s all about access. When I returned from that first trip, I realized that I was actually very lucky to have been born in this country with the access I had been given. Over the years I’ve realized that so much of our success must be attributed to our access. Unfortunately, we are not all born to the same level of access. Some of us our born with access to a loving family, a strong community, education, wealth, mentors and networks and then others are born to limited or no access. Most importantly, most of this access we are given is based on nothing we have done ourselves so if anything, we need to be sharing our access, not hoarding it.
Second, we are all the same. Most of my travels consisted of sharing stories with the people I had crossed paths with on a daily basis. What I quickly realized is that we have the same dreams, hopes, desires and fears regardless of our age, race, religion or background. We all just want to be seen and have value. We want to feel worthy of love. And when we can slow down and actually see each other, that is when the magic happens.
Third, you don’t have to have a lot to be happy. As I mentioned earlier, I was given so much by people who had so little and their capacity for joy was beyond anything I had seen at home. Unfortunately, our society has put so much emphasis on money and material possessions. We have given so much power to these things with an insatiable desire to obtain more. Instead of using money as a tool, a resource, we use money as a measuring stick. We let our possessions determine our value, our identity. Like my friend Lynne Twist always says, “if you can let go of the things you don’t need, it allows you to appreciate what you already have and what you appreciate, appreciates.” Happiness can show up in the most unusual places and experiences, but so many times we are too busy chasing something else we don’t see the joy that is right in front of us.
Fourth, compassion speaks no language nor has any boundaries. The compassion I experienced from total strangers was so unexpected, immensely appreciated and gave me so much hope. I realized that when you allow yourself to be vulnerable and allow others to help you, it creates an amazing human connection. Compassion leads to empathy, which by definition gives you the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. This, my friend, is what makes for a beautiful world.
Looking back to these life lessons, I have to remind myself that sometimes wisdom doesn’t always come with age, but comes with allowing yourself to be curious and to be vulnerable. Who would have ever imagined that your 25 year old self might have all the answers?
